Let's Talk: The Proper Care and Maintenance of Friendship

I try to have several books on my nightstand, and an order to which I will read them, because nothing is as exciting to me as looking forward to a well written novel. Every so often, however, I run out of reading material and head over to Target to peruse the book aisle in search of that new great novel. This is how I came upon Lisa Verge Higgins', The Proper Care and Maintenance of Friendship.

This is when I tell you that I picked it solely based on the cover design and the fact that it was placed in the section titled, New Women's Fiction. This is also where I tell you that not only did I enjoy reading it, I've recommended it to others. It was one of those book which proves that regardless of your lifestyle, you can relate to at least one of the characters.

Please join in the discussion, or at the very least- read it for yourself, share it with your book club, really take a look at your life and ask yourself, what would I be willing to do for a friend?

1. Rachel chooses not to tell her friends about her illness because she feels she is sparing them. Was this the right decision? Is it ever right to keep the news of a potentially fatal illness from your loved ones?

Sure, Rachel had her reasons. In her mind, those reasons were probably good ones too. But as far as do I think it's okay to not tell your friends that you have cancer, I'm going to say, Hell No. I'm a person who would want to know, to at least have the opportunity to offer support. Maybe it's for my own benefit, but I tend to care about the people I consider friends, and I need to know that no matter what, I offered some bit of support to them when they were suffering.

2. Which of the four women do you most relate to? Is it the one whose lifestyle most resembles yours? If not, why?

Because I am married and raising three young kids, I related most to Kate. I understand what it is to feel overwhelmed and to almost lose yourself as you're attempting to raise children. Would I have gone skydiving? Sure. Would I have picked up and traveled to India? Probably not, at this point in my life. Well, unless I was going there for work or a family emergency. I'm not a person who is capable of just packing up and leaving, maybe because I don't like to relinquish control over my household. I love being a mom, and with a husband who travels quite often for work, having me home makes things run more smoothly. I'd be up for an adventure, however, I'd just make it stateside.

3. Motherhood is often described as a sacrifice. What sacrifices did Kate, Rachel, and Jo make in order to raise their families? How did they each feel about their sacrifices? Is it ever possible to be fully comfortable with the choices a woman must make when she chooses to have a family?

I want to start off by saying that I've never considered motherhood to be a sacrifice. Being a mom is the greatest blessing I've ever been given and I know many women who would do whatever it takes to have children. Sure, we sacrifice on things that we can't have, or cannot do when we're raising children. Do I consider it a sacrifice that I can't watch reruns of Sex and the City until after the kids go to bed? No. I think the only person in this novel who was probably slapped right in the face of motherhood, was Jo. She was appointed legal guardian to a child that she did not willingly plan to have. She's learning how to be a mom like the rest of us, through trial and error, like when she had a professional chef cook gourmet macaroni and cheese for a child rather than popping open a $.99 box of Kraft.

I'm going to leave you with one final thought. These questions and more are located in the Reader Group Guide located at the end of The Proper Care and Maintenance of Friendship.

4. Rachel mentions that the friends have grown apart because they didn't properly maintain their friendships. Rachel's three best friends have become so busy with their own lives that they don't realize what is happening to their friend. But Rachel seems to understand. Do you understand?

Unfortunately, yes. Life gets busy and it's hard to maintain those long distance friendships, no matter how important they are. I guess the real question is, how do we prioritize friendships amid the chaos of our lives? If you figure it out, please let me know.